Breaking the Mask And Repairing the Heart
by magiabruxa
Summary: Kaoru has always worn a Mask around people. No one knew her true identity. Hitokiri Battousai saw this. He killed her fmaily and took her. Can a cold assasin break a mask and heal someone's acheing heart? (I Suck at Summary's but the Story ROCKS!)
1. A Piece of the Mask is Broken

My heart didn't know how to trust. Didn't know feeling other then pain, and depression. I put up an act everyday....until he came... And now, I am far from my family........And hopefully I will never see them again. But I know others felt like me before. So I wrote this story. Based on my life. The story about freedom, truth, faith, betrayal, and most of all....love.....  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
My heart acked with pain. The sadness and depression was to much! I have needed a savior since I had turned twelve. Praying every night for someone to come. Take me away. But no. No one came.  
  
My saphhire eyes always held sadness. My pain hidden when around others. I acted as if my life was the best around others. But the truth was, it wasn't. My quote always resided in my mind. The greatest thing in life is to love, and to be loved by someone...in return. One starry night of my sixteinth birthday that someone came.  
  
He is a assasin hired to kill my family. He had watched my family for days. He had watched me more then anyone. He saw my act of happiness. And he knew what that felt like. He had been like that once. But someone had helped him.  
  
And now this man must do the one thing that many have never dared to do. Heal my broken heart.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I smiled weakly at my friends. I didn't want to go home. Another fight had happened that morning with my mother. And now when I got home I was sure. Like always. I would cry....My wish not coming true....... Waving farewell to my friends I left. Knowing no one could understand the pain I went through day by day. Night by night...  
  
It was an act. An act to make sure my family did not get in trouble for treating me as such. But I knew. I knew that if they ever found out. They would laugh. And make fun. But because of this I pushed myself to rise above their level. I would not hurt anyone's feelings. But I would also not trust anyone.  
  
~~~At Night~~~  
  
I held back the tears as I listened to my family make fun. I knew that they didn't remember I had feeling's. I was tired. Really tired. After a while I just left them to there beckoring. They had called me names they thought I had not heard. Such names as crazy, dumb, stupid, and the worst one was that they said I had no future. They said I would be in jail when I grew up. Or a maniac institute.  
  
Feeling hurt I turned on my song and sang to myself the lines that had meant so much to me. The only thing I had left.  
  
"I'm so tired of being here... Surpressed by all my childish fears.... And if you have to leave.. I wish that you would just leave... Your presence still lingers here.. And it won't leave me alone... These wounds won't seem to heal... This pain is just to real... There's just so much that time cannot erase....."  
  
My father now lives in Brazil. After divoricing my mother he married another woman. Leiko was her name. She became preganent and had a child. A boy. Even though I do not approve of this family I love him. I wan't him to live life to it's fullest. I wan't him to remember his childhood as if it was the best part of his life! I wanted Yasuo to live his life opposite then mine.  
  
" When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears... When you scream I'd fight away all of your fears.... And I held your hand through all of these years.... But you still have..... All of me........"  
  
My father works as a general. Everyone thought he cared about me. But they where blind. They did not see. Did not know. That my father was last seen by my eyes seven years ago. He would send us telegrams every once in a while but I knew I could not hold onto this life any longer. If I was not saved. I would kill myself. I know suicide wasn't ever the answer. But at least... At least this life would never have to be seen again.........Ever.........  
  
"You used to captivate me......  
  
By your resonating light.....  
  
But now I'm bound by the life you left behind........  
  
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams....  
  
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me......  
  
These wounds won't seem to heal.....  
  
This pain is just too real....  
  
There's just too much that time cannot erase...."  
  
My mother wasn't the coolest either. I know that she always put up a goody goody act around my friends. But when I was by myself with her. I knew my sanity was going to be lost. I knew......I knew......I knew I was alone.  
  
"When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears.....  
  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears.......  
  
And I've held your hand through all of these years.......  
  
But you still have all of me..."  
  
Alone....Such a harsh word for just one person. I began to fantasize about being taken away. Away from my cruel jail called a house. No. It wasn't my home. It was just another house. I didn't have a home. You could say I was a stray. In my entire life I had only met one person who I had truly loved. But he left. And like the end of the song. I realized the same thing....The same cruel thing destiny and fate have brought together for me......The thing I wish I never would have realized.....The thing no one want's......  
  
"I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
  
And though you're still with me  
  
I've been alone all along."  
  
I lay myself to sleep. Again my brain would be filled with a life where I had joy. I used to belief in fairy tales. But now I don't. I detest my brothers cruel jokes. I detest my mother when she acts as if I where still a baby. I hate my life..... Little did I know that tonight my wish would be answered. The night of the murder.......  
  
I'm bleeding in ways of the fire burned  
  
I'm crying in ways of the nightbird  
  
No more is there one to lay by my side  
  
I'm straying in nightmares all the time  
  
I awoke again to find it was still night. A scream was heard from inside my kitchen. I thought it was my brother and his foolish acts again. I walked to the door but paused when I felt warmth on my feet. I looked down to see red liquid surrounding my feet. One word popping into my mind. Blood........  
  
A little something I know  
  
A little somewhere I go, reminds me of you  
  
To blossom blue, is to blossom without you  
  
I threw the door open to find a body on the floor. Tears flowed down my already pale face. My brother......A scream entered my throat but I did not let it escape. Whatever had done this was still out here. And I was a target....I held in my tears as I looked around for the person, the thing, who did this crime. My heart was breaking even more now. I was going to lose it soon......  
  
I'm breaking but I cannot bear to  
  
I'm staring but I cannot see you  
  
For no more are you to lay by my side  
  
I'm weeping no more then this second time  
  
I cannot help but run. My feet just took off at the sight of the blade. I don't know what it was. I don't know what happened. All I know is that I am running through the forest. My eyes are heavy. Should I just stop? Should I just let it kill me so I could get rid of this life. No....I was to stubborn to stop.  
  
A little something I know  
  
A little somewhere I go  
  
Where the sweet waters flow, reminds me of you  
  
My feet are sore. My heart aches. But my mind is overflowed with the thought of getting away. Deep down I liked what he did. I liked the fact that the retard was dead. Not keeping my eyes in focus I ran into someone. The impact did not hit me as I realized I was truly happy. I was going to be rid of this grap! I would never have to see the sun again!  
  
A little something I know  
  
A little somewhere I go  
  
Where the sweet waters flow  
  
Where the mistletoes grow, reminds me of you  
  
I stared into the eyes of the killer. But I knew it was not the one who resided in my house. I knew it was a friend. He was tall. His brown hair spiky with his red bandana flowing. He was smirking. I closed my eyes waiting for the impact that would end my pain.....But it never came....  
  
To blossom blue, is to blossom without you  
  
Opening them back up quickly I found a man. He had protected me with his sword. I know any normal human beings would have cherished what he had done. But I did not. I hated him for the doing. Running forward I pushed him. My mind screaming for death. My body acking to see my own blood. I looked into his eyes. I never had seen such eyes before. Each man looking at me...Each....staring......  
  
When I look into your eyes there's nothing there to see  
  
Nothing but my own mistakes staring back at me  
  
I knew he could see right through me. Right through my mask. He smiled at me. His golden eyes hinted with understanding. "Why did you kill my family?" He just smiled and rapped his arms around my body. I was shocked. But it was quickly swept away as my mask broke. And my tears began to flow.....  
  
Everything has to end  
  
You'll soon find that we're out of time left to watch it all unwind  
  
Everything falls apart  
  
Even the people who never frown eventually breakdown  
  
Everything has to end  
  
You'll soon find that we're out of time left to watch in all unwind  
  
Everything falls apart  
  
Even the people who never frown eventually break down  
  
I held onto the man tighter. My face buried in his chest. I did not care what layed as my fate beyond but I did not want to let go. He may have been the killer of the one full blooded brother I had. But I felt comfortable in his arms.....But my breakdown did not last long. My mother had ran into the clearing. And her eyes widened as she saw that the mask which she had loved so much...Was now broken....  
  
I've lied to you  
  
This is the last smile that I'll fake for the sake of being with you  
  
I gave her one of my assuring smiles. But I knew that she knew the truth. Everyone in the area now knew. I was not who I seemed to be.....  
  
Everything falls apart even  
  
Even the people who never frown eventually break down  
  
Everything has to end  
  
You'll soon find we're out of time left to watch it all unwind  
  
The sake of being with you  
  
Everything falls apart  
  
Even the people who never frown eventually break down  
  
The sacrifice is never knowing  
  
"Hold her Sano. And do not let her see this." I was surprised when I was held onto the taller man's chest. He tried to hold my head back so I would not see. So I would not see the crime he was about to commit....The crime punishable by god.....  
  
Why I stayed with you  
  
When you just push away  
  
No matter what you see  
  
You're still so blind to me  
  
His red hair flowed drastically in the wind as I watched in horror...The sword had been taken into the air. And it came down just as fast......My eyes widen in shock......  
  
Even the people who never frown eventually break down  
  
"MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I did not know how I broke free from the man's steel grip. All I know was I was next to my mother who gave me a smile of hope. A smile I had never seen her give me. I smile I would see for the last time....  
  
I've tried, like you, to do everything you wanted to  
  
This is the last time  
  
That I'll take the blame for the sake of being with you  
  
Everything falls apart  
  
Even the people who never frown eventually break down  
  
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie  
  
Everything has to end  
  
You'll soon find we're out of time left to watch it all unwind  
  
The sacrifice is never knowing  
  
Her last words truly shocked me. I could not believe what she had said. She did not want me to feel guilty...."It isn't your fault......"  
  
Why I stay with you  
  
When you just push away  
  
No matter what you see  
  
You're still so blind to me  
  
My tears swept across my face. I knew the fact that hurt me even more then ever. My statement from earlier had really come true. Now...I was truly alone......  
  
Reverse psychology is failing miserably  
  
It's so hard to be left all alone Telling you is the only chance for me  
  
There is nothing left but to turn and face you  
  
I stood. My eyes hidden behind my bangs. My katana clutched in my hands. I looked up. Anger, Pain, and the word I don't like to say ...hate shown within my eyes. I stared into the eyes of the one to blame. The one who broke my mask...My mask....and my family.....  
  
When I look into your eyes there's nothing there to see  
  
Nothing but my own mistakes staring back at me  
  
Asking why  
  
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie  
  
The sacrifice is never knowing  
  
"Sano, call for guards. I will need as many as I can get on the way to the hotel." Nodding the tall man ran. I did not care for him. The one I wanted to see lifeless was the man in front of me. My thoughts where blocked by hate as I ran forward. I would kill this man....He would die.....  
  
Why I stayed with you  
  
When you just push away  
  
No matter what you see  
  
You're still so blind to me  
  
I missed a couple times. He was fast. But my fury could cut through the quickest defenese. The quickest and the strongest.....  
  
Why I stayed with you  
  
When you just push away  
  
No matter what you see  
  
You're still so blind to me  
  
My sword entered his shoulder. His blood spilled across my face. My eyes widen in shock as one thought comes to mind. What have I done....... 


	2. Enishi Yukishiro

The shock I felt through my body sent me into the darkness once again. But I was not afraid. Not at all. Actually....I welcomed it...... Death seemed to be my only answer. I knew that tonight was my last night on this earth... I found myself once again alone. I knew that the place I was in was so deep within myself that only the black panther could save me. His golden eyes leading me out of there. I have been here many times. But everytime I waited it never came.....The light that was somewhere in this cold place had never found me...Until tonight......  
  
There's another world inside of me  
  
That you may never see  
  
There's secrets in this life  
  
That I can't hide  
  
Somewhere in this darkness  
  
There's a light that I can't find  
  
Maybe it's too far away...  
  
Maybe I'm just blind... Maybe I'm just blind...  
  
Opening my eyes I encountered the golden one's. Those beautiful eyes I have been searching for. Finaly. It's here. To my surprise the panther became diffrent.....It turned into....a man. He wrapped his arms around me...... And let me cry upon his shoulder.....I felt like I never wanted to dissapointed him..... I wanted to remain by this panthers side forever..... I held on to him tighter. I did not care if death was upon me. I had found what I had been searching for......  
  
So hold me when I'm here  
  
Love me when I'm wrong  
  
Hold me when I'm scared  
  
And love me when I'm gone  
  
Everything I am  
  
And everything you need  
  
I'll also be the one  
  
You wanted me to be  
  
I'll never let you down  
  
Even if I could  
  
I'd give up everything  
  
If only for your good  
  
So hold me when I'm here  
  
Love me when I'm wrong  
  
You can hold me when I'm scared  
  
You won't always be there  
  
So love me when I'm gone Love me when I'm gone...  
  
His voice was smooth. Like a god of pain. Like the water that rushed through the river every day...... "Please little one...Tell me, why do you hide yourself behind a mask?" I was shocked. I'm sorry....I knew he was the only one who I could depend on. But I had just remembered that face. The face of the killer. My thoughts filled with disgust as I pulled away from him. But what now really surprised me was that my pain was still upon my face. The feelings I had been containing for so long....where showing...But how?  
  
When your education x-ray  
  
Can not see under my skin  
  
I won't tell you a damn thing  
  
That I could not tell my friends  
  
Roaming through this darkness  
  
I'm alive but I'm alone  
  
Part of me is fighting this  
  
But part of me is gone  
  
*Flashback*  
  
"Kaoru? Why do you always keep that same look. Why do you not feel pain. Or hate?" I looked up to the concerned black one's. I could not bear this pain anymore. I spilled everything. He acted as if he understood. Pretened nothing bad would ever happen to me.....He lied.......  
  
It's easier to run  
  
Replacing this pain with something numb  
  
It's so much easier to go  
  
Than face all this pain here all alone  
  
He came to my house one night. Told me that he had a party at his home. He told me that it would be the next night. I nodded. After all. Of course I would go. He was showing me the true way to live...At least...that's what I thought.....  
  
Something has been taken from deep inside of me  
  
The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see  
  
Wounds so deep they never show they never go away  
  
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played  
  
That night was the night I wore the mask for the final time. I had arrived to find him. He lay with another woman. He smirked as he saw I had came in on the scene. "Dear Kaoru, I was hoping to break your heart sooner or later. After all....You where only a bet....."  
  
If I could change I would take back the pain I would  
  
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would  
  
If I could stand up and take the blame I would  
  
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would  
  
If I could change I would take back the pain I would  
  
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would  
  
If I could stand up and take the blame I would  
  
I would take all my shame to the grave  
  
My eyes widened. A bet. This was all a bet! My eyes filled with tears and before I ran out I said something to him that hurt me more then him. "I loved you.....But now....... you have truly killen me, Enishi." With that I ran. Never to look upon his face again. Never to shed another tear in front of anyone. I would remain emotionless.  
  
It's easier to run  
  
Replacing this pain with something numb  
  
It's so much easier to go  
  
Than face all this pain here all alone  
  
*End FlashBack*  
  
I stood. My hand aimed for his sword. I was to kill myself. That way I would not have to remember these dark memories. But I had failed. Instead of killing myself I was thrown to the ground. I looked up at two concerned eyes. Tears on the serge of spilling. What had he done to let me show tears in front of someone? What?!  
  
Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past  
  
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have  
  
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back  
  
And never moving forward so there'd never be a past  
  
"I have broken an eighth (1/8) of your mask little one." I stared at him. There was no way.... "And I intend on breaking the entire mask..." I stared at him... I was scared. I was deeply scared. I did not show it. But for some reason I felt he knew. The golden panther I had been waiting for has finaly come.....was this what I wanted?..........Yes.........  
  
If I could change I would take back the pain I would  
  
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would  
  
If I could stand up and take the blame I would  
  
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would  
  
If I could change I would take back the pain I would  
  
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would  
  
If I could stand up and take the blame I would  
  
I would take all my shame to the grave  
  
"Now tell me of what happened. Tell me what has caused this to happen." My eyes held puzzelment. But the glint was gone as quickly as it came. "I cannot tell anyone of it." I was startled when he just smiled and opened a door. "You will tell me when you are ready." Oh, but I would not! I was going to be normal! And as I made my way towards him I pushed aside the dark thoughts. And tried my best to heal the broken mask..  
  
Just washing it aside  
  
All of the helplessness inside  
  
Pretending I don't feel misplaced  
  
It's so much simpler than change  
  
He walked at a steady pase in front of mine. I watched every move as we walked towards a door. Inside I could hear voices. The problem was......one sounded familiar....Too familiar!  
  
It's easier to run  
  
Replacing this pain with something numb  
  
It's so much easier to go  
  
Than face all this pain here all alone  
  
The first thing my eyes met when the door was opened where two black one's. I almost screamed. Everyone in the room turned and stared at the two guests. Everyone. Even him........Enishi Yukishiro................  
  
It's easier to run  
  
If I could change I would take back the pain I would  
  
Retrace every wrong move that I made  
  
It's easier to go  
  
If I could change I would take back the pain I would  
  
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would  
  
If I could stand up and take the blame I would  
  
I would take all my shame to the grave  
  
The next thing I knew was that I was being held back by the assasin's two hands as I began to scream and try to get out of there. I did not want to see his face. Never! And unknown to me, another part of my mask had just been broken. My fear. It began to show.......  
  
What do I do to ignore them behind me?  
  
Do I follow my instincts blindly?  
  
Do I hide my pride from these bad dreams?  
  
And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?  
  
Do I sit here and try to stand it?  
  
Or do I try to catch them red-handed?  
  
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness,  
  
Or do I trust none and live in loneliness?  
  
Because I can't hold on when I'm streached so thin  
  
I make the right moves but I'm lost within  
  
I put on my daily facade but then  
  
I just end up getting hurt again  
  
By myself, myself...  
  
"Let go of me! Let go of ME!" I kicked him again and again but to no avail. I was taken into the room. The room where the darkness began to overtake me again. As my mind faded from the room my eyes clearly showed the tears of fright....of fright...and pain.....  
  
I ask why, but in my mind  
  
I find I can't rely on myself I ask why, but in my mind  
  
I find I can't rely on myself  
  
Everyone was still apauled by my actions that none moved. But my eyes where cast towards one indivedual. His shock......was soon turned into a teasing smirk. My hate grew. My fear grew....But only my fear showed. Not to my realization I had grabbed onto the assasin's hand. But I quickly let go. There was one emotion that had never left my face. After that time he had broken my heart. The feeling so strong no one could break......stuck to me like glue. The feeling called....Courage.  
  
I can't hold on  
  
To what I want when I'm stretched so thin  
  
It's all too much to take in  
  
I can't hold on  
  
To anything watching everything spin  
  
With thoughts of failure sinking in  
  
Our glaring contest was soon cut of as he spoke. "You know.....She was much prettier then you." Pain washed over my courage. Everyone but me and him knew what it meant. And I was determined to keep it that way. I was stubborn. And I would not back down. If I where to face him I would not turn my back. Because if I did....I would become the prey......  
  
If I  
  
Turn my back I'm defenseless  
  
And to go blindly seems senseless  
  
If I hide my pride and let it all go on then they'll  
  
Take from me 'till everything is gone  
  
If I let them go I'll be outdone  
  
But if I try to catch them I'll be outrun  
  
If I'm killed by the questions like a cancer  
  
Then I'll be buried in the silence of the answer  
  
by myself [myself]  
  
"Hey Kenshin?! Are you gonna tell us why you did not kill her?" I turned to see the man who had called the assasin Kenshin.... A beautiful name.....Unlike his which I remember had been called Sano. "Simple, he want's her as his whore! Once your done I wan't some...." The man shut his mouth as soon as a deadly glare met his. "You shall not lay a hand on her." Enishi raised his eyebrow... I wanted to jump at him and rip out his heart. But I kept those nice thoughts to myself....  
  
I ask why, but in my mind  
  
I find I can't rely on myself  
  
I ask why, but in my mind  
  
I find I can't rely on myself  
  
"I have not killed her for one simple reason. I am the black panther. Right Kaoru?" I did not move. I did not nod. I just put the disgusting mask on. The one that blinded everyone. Everyone but two. "You foolish woman! Even after all these years you still wait for that rideculess panther! I told you sweety! It's only a fairy tale!" Tears threatened to spill...My heart acked once again.....I did not want to be here.....I did not want to look at him........  
  
I can't hold on  
  
To what I want when I'm stretched so thin  
  
It's all too much to take in  
  
I can't hold on  
  
To anything watching everything spin  
  
With thoughts of failure sinking in  
  
I gazed into the eyes of the others. Each asking the same painful question. How do I know Enishi? I could not take this any longer. I did not care any further. I did the only thing I could think of.......I ran.........  
  
How do you think I've lost so much  
  
I'm so afraid that I'm out of touch  
  
How do you expect... I will know what to do  
  
When all I know Is what you tell me to  
  
I was now running down a long dark hallway.....I was frightened. But that was enough to keep my feet going. It felt like hours now. I was lost once more. But this time I did not wait for the black panther....No.....I would do this by myself....... But to my acking feet's hate I came face to face with lustfull men. And they wanted to do more then show me out........  
  
Don't you know  
  
I can't tell you how to make it go  
  
No matter what I do, how hard I try  
  
I can't seem to convince myself why  
  
I'm stuck on the outside  
  
I heard the door slide open. And turned to face the assasin's from earliar. "Kaoru? What happened?" I looked at the pa-Kenshin.... I did not remember when. But I knew how. All the men remained on the floor. Each unconsious.....I was in flee when I did this. They had attacked me. And as a reflex I did the same. I fought back....  
  
Don't you know  
  
I can't tell you how to make it go  
  
No matter what I do, how hard I try  
  
I can't seem to convince myself why  
  
I'm stuck on the outside  
  
That night I was led back into Kenshin's apartement. He had made sure to keep me away from Enishi. But it was of no use....He would hide behind corners. Make me cry or fall to my knee's in pain.  
  
I can't hold on  
  
To what I want when I'm stretched so thin  
  
It's all too much to take in  
  
I can't hold on  
  
To anything watching everything spin  
  
With thoughts of failure sinking in  
  
"You know little one....You should be happy. Today we broke 2/8's of your mask. Fear and Pain." I looked at him and hid my emotions. Was this finaly going to happen. Was I really going to become free?"  
  
I can't hold on  
  
To what I want when I'm stretched so thin  
  
It's all too much to take in  
  
I can't hold on  
  
To anything watching everything spin  
  
With thoughts of failure sinking in  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Some parts of this story is based upon my life...... Exept unlike Kaoru I am still waiting for my black panther to come and break this mask off me. And yes, her brother is based of mine. And the mom as well. They do that alot.... They can be nice sometimes but I am mostly like Kaoru. I feel like this alot.......... And no, I would NEVER think of suicide. UNLIKE Kaoru, I know that I can get help from friends. Even though I still wear this horrible mask.  
  
The mask originally originated when I was in sixth grade. We had a sub (Teacher) and I wanted to be kind to him. I was helping in anything I could. Then it came.....He asked me to write things on the board for him. A girl....She began to chant names....cruel names........... I cried that day.....for the last time........  
  
If you want to know more about where this mask originated ask on your review and I will tell you more......Thank you to all the reviewer's and sorry if I do not name you......  
  
Reviewers ~~~~~~~~  
  
Dark-Death-Angel: Thank you! I was really in this mood to write this......I will try to update as soon as possible! ^-^  
  
^^: Arigato, and yes. The first song is My immortal.  
  
Silver Eyes Bright: Thanks!  
  
Paisita: I LOVE the song My immortal too! My life really is like that....exept for the part where she gets saved and I don't........  
  
PoPlAr: Kaoru has no expression on her face what so ever. It is either she is emotionless or she has a smile. You pick... Thank you for your suggestion I would put it in angst, but believe me....The story won't stay angst for "too" long..... Thank you! Ja!  
  
ToHeLlWiThThEnIcKs: THANK YOU! And I was crying when I wrote these chapter's.... Thank you and I appreiciate it! I will try to update soon! Sayonara!  
  
Sorry for those I have missed! 


	3. Not Alone

*Dream*  
  
I found myself once again in the dark hall. The endless hall of insanity.....What could I do? How could I escape....The answer was simple....I could not....I stared out to find someone walking away from me... All my thoughts gone as I began to run to him.... "Enishi-sama!" I grabbed him around his waist...But it did not matter....He had just kept walking....Away from me....Like everyone else did......  
  
Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby.  
  
Right now I feel invisible to you, like I'm not real.  
  
Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you,  
  
Why'd you turn away?  
  
Here's what I have to say:  
  
Tears fell to the floor as I collasped. My foolish grin still upon me as I stared into the now nothing-ness of Enishi's gone form. What was I so afraid of? Why did I put this mask up in the first place. Even joy and jokes where now hidden behind it.....And because of it everyone I came to turned away....Everyone I loved....Walked away.......  
  
I was left to cry there,  
  
Waiting outside there, Grinning with a lost stare,  
  
That's when I decided!  
  
*Flashback in Dream*  
  
"Hey Kaoru! Wanna go to the party at my house tommorow?" I turned and smiled as I saw my hero standing at the window.... "I don't know....Are you my panther of hopes?" He gave me his charming smile and spoke with pride. "See you tommorow milady........" I giggled....for the last time.......  
  
Why should I care  
  
Cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone!  
  
You, you need to listen  
  
*Flash to the Next Night*  
  
"Enishi?" My eyes widened as I stared at the woman with him. She reminded me so much of the sluts who hung around those DISGUSTING bars. "Dear Kaoru, I was hoping to break your heart sooner or later. After all....You where only a bet....." I felt the walls move around me as I heard this......I actually heard something I could not ever stand....I was just a...a.....BET!  
  
I'm starting to trip,  
  
I'm losing my grip and, I'm in this thing alone  
  
*End Flashback in Dream*  
  
His voice played inside my head forever. I was afraid to know what he wanted. I had loved......But I was not loved back....No, I was played........  
  
Am I just some chick you place beside you, To take somebody's place?  
  
When you turn around can you recognize my face. You used to love me,  
  
You used to hug me,  
  
But that wasn't the case...  
  
Everything wasn't ok.  
  
Enishi had really broken my heart. And know I knew where I was lying. In the depths of my true heart. The one behind the ugly mask....The one....hidden......  
  
I was left to cry there,  
  
Waiting outside there, Grinning with a lost stare,  
  
That's when I decided! Why should I care  
  
Cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone!  
  
You, you need to listen I'm starting to trip,  
  
I'm losing my grip and, I'm in this thing alone  
  
Tears rolled down my face as another memory played itself in the back of my mind. Each unwanted. But each came......Laughing with fun at my expressions......My fear..... But this memory was the last....The one where I put up the mask...For the first...And final time.....  
  
Crying out loud, I'm crying out loud  
  
Crying out loud, I'm crying out loud  
  
*Flashback*  
  
As I stood I turned to him and the woman and spoke up.... "I loved you.....But now....... you have truly killen me, Enishi."  
  
*End of FlashBack*  
  
Open your eyes,  
  
Open up wide  
  
Why should I care,  
  
Cuz you weren't there,  
  
When I was scared I was so alone! Why should I care,  
  
Cuz you weren't there when I was scared, I was so alone!  
  
Why should I care!  
  
If you don't care then I don't care were not going anywhere!  
  
Why should I care cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone!  
  
Why should I care If you don't care then I don't care were not going anywhere!  
  
"Don't worry little one....You will never be alone....I will always be your panther...." Taking my face out of my kimono sleeve I stared at the hand that had been placed upon my shoulder. It looked.....familiar.......  
  
I wake up in the morning  
  
Put on my face  
  
The one that's gonna get me  
  
Through another day  
  
Doesn't really matter  
  
How I feel inside  
  
'Cause life is like a game sometimes  
  
My eyes went up to meet the panthers golden eyes...The one's I had been searching for since he came to me when I was a child.....But this was not a panther.....Not indeed.....It was Kenshin.......  
  
But then you came around me  
  
The walls just disappeared  
  
Nothing to surround me  
  
And keep me from my fears  
  
I'm unprotected  
  
See how I've opened up  
  
Oh, you've made me trust  
  
*Flashback of Another Dream*  
  
I was five when I saw him. The panther.....He came to me as I sat in a field of beautiful flowers..... His words unknown to my five year old brain....But now I understood.... "Don't worry....I will remain by your side for eternity."  
  
*End of Flashback*  
  
Because I've never felt like this before  
  
I'm naked  
  
Around you  
  
Does it show?  
  
You see right through me  
  
And I can't hide  
  
I'm naked  
  
Around you  
  
And it feels so right  
  
I felt his two arms wrap around me and his body come in contact with mine..... "You may not know this but I have entered your dreams tonight because of that promise my dear....Please tell me you are ready to tell me why the mask has been put up." I was shocked at his words....The truth was....I was afraid to get hurt.....Hurt by anyone again.....  
  
I'm trying to remember  
  
Why I was afraid  
  
To be myself and let the  
  
Covers fall away  
  
I guess I never had someone like you  
  
To help me, to help me fit  
  
In my skin  
  
"I.....I'm afraid...." He smiled at me.....I do not know why but it gave my heart comfort..... "Why?" I looked at him for a couple minutes before answering....Enishi had asked me before....but I did not answer him.....Why was I answering Kenshin?  
  
I never felt like this before  
  
I'm naked  
  
Around you  
  
Does it show?  
  
You see right through me  
  
And I can't hide  
  
I'm naked  
  
Around you  
  
And it feels so right  
  
"I'm afraid because I don't want to hurt anyone....And I am afraid....of having anyone hurt me....." He smiled again. Why did I feel so happy when around him? Why? "Everyone gets hurt little one. But pain is only part of a humans life....And soon you will learn them...." But how could I when I was alone.....I had no family........  
  
*End of Dream*  
  
I'm naked  
  
Oh oh yeah  
  
Does it show?  
  
Yeah, I'm naked  
  
Oh oh, yeah yeah  
  
I sat up on the futon with sweat running down my forhead..... What had just happened? I then heard a voice.....It sounded familiar.... "Your not alone Kaoru." What? But that was......Kenshin!  
  
I'm so naked around you  
  
And I can't hide  
  
You're gonna see right through, baby ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Chapter #1 Songs.... 1. My Immortal- Evanescence (2nd Favorite Band!) 2. Unknown (I think It was tears or something.) 3. Pushing Me Away- Linking Park (Favorite Band!) Remix CD  
  
Chapter #2 Songs.... 1.Here Without You- 3 Doors Down 2. Easier To Run- Linkin Park 3. By Myself - Linkin Park  
  
Chapter #3 Songs.... 1. Losing Grip - Avril Lavigne 2. Naked- Avril Lavigne  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sorry for the Short Chapter Reviews....  
  
Suicide-Greeting: Thanks, Alot of reviews have said they can relate to this fic.  
  
Lightning-Storm: I write this story when I am usually angry or frustrates so I can make it like I feel, which is most of the time! ^-^ Thank you and I hoped you liked this chapter!  
  
Phia: I felt like that to.....But there's somethine I did that Kaoru did not....Though I still wear the mask I still did not hide some emotions. Like joy and teasing! I have fun but I truly do hide feelings! And I agree, it is sad how many people feel like that....  
  
Nanashi: Thank you. I only hide some feelings though....I hide pain and anger....And I never cry in front of anyone.....ever.....I agree with your theory....It's kinda sad....  
  
Sakura Blossom: Here's the More you asked for and thanks for reviewing!  
  
Ryuu no Furui Yami: Thank you for the comment.... Actually... you may be wrong on something.....But you will only discover that when I get to my last chapter.....You might want to keep reading! Thanks for your support!  
  
Mori'quessir: I agree it's sad...I'm kinda like her to......Thank you for your review!  
  
ZSilver: Thank you and I will ask you if I need help! ^-^ And I am exactly like you exept no one has tried yet to break my mask......  
  
Sakura Himura: Thank you for the review!  
  
aNiMePeRfEcT: Thanks and I hope you know the song now!  
  
Silver Eyes Bright: I can relate to that subject, when my mom loses her temper and starts screaming at me I start playing some song in my head.... Like numb from Linkin Park...Thanks for the review!  
  
Rei: Thank you! And I bet you someday everyone will.....  
  
Sammie gal: I do the same as you, act normal but am really hiding my feelings.....Yep, but they can be real cool when they wanna be!  
  
Silver Goddess: Here's your update, thank's for the review! 


	4. HELP!

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
On my next Chapter Kaoru is supposed to reveal the feelings of worry... Please email me at shadowcat00713@hotmail.com and title you email "Breaking the Mask." I would really appriciate the help! I would also like to ask you to please forgive me for not update soon. My computer got a huge virus so it did not let me update any longer! Thank you for your help and support! Magiabruxa^-^ 


End file.
